


Show me the light, please?

by VodkaaLou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blind Harry, Depressed Harry, Depressed Louis, Depression, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Medication, Patient Louis, Schizophrenia, Self Harm, harry is fucked in the head, hospital au, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, mental health, one direction - Freeform, patient harry, probs anal sex lets be real, sex scenes later, sick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-18 10:16:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7310902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VodkaaLou/pseuds/VodkaaLou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is blind and Louis is the only one who shows him the light, but when Harry’s sight comes back he can’t find Louis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:  
> Harry has cancer. I do not know much about this or the process and do not mean to offend anyone if it is not accurate. Just go along with it in the storyline because it's just imagination and shit. But I am sorry as it will probably be completely wrong.

Chapter 1: 

Harry was sat, in his new room at the hospital a place where he will be staying during his long term treatment. He couldn’t see anything but black. Darkness. Harry was blind. Had been for nearly 2 years now, Harry had lost his sight when he got cancer in his eyes, but now he was a guinea pig to a new treatment where they replace the broken cones and receptors, allowing him to see once again. Something like that anyway, Harry isn’t really tuned in through the science and shit with all his doctors, he just wants his fucking sight back. 

And the boy can’t help but wonder, what colour are the walls? His bed sheets? His nurses hair or uniform? His mother’s eye shadow that day (she always had a soft spot for browns). He wanted to know what his clothes looked like today, or what the members of his favourite band look like. Or if his toast looked as burnt as it tasted that morning. 

Ever since his sight had been unfairly snatched from his the few years previous, the boy had been bitter towards everything in his life. And so that is why a nurse was stood in the doorway of Harry’s new room, pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Harry was on all types of pills, mainly for the new treatment, but also for his fucked up head. 

The knock on the door startled the boy, like it did every fucking time. He was so fucking sick of that, he was always so embarrassed when he jumped 50 feet in the air, it made people think they needed to be cautious around him, which defiantly was not true. He hated it when people treated him differently to how they used to, like he was suddenly so delicate he may break from a few banterous jokes. 

“Hi Harry love, it’s time for your medication.” The kind nurse entered the room, placing the glass firmly in one of his hands, and dropped the multiple pills in the other. “We have added the two anti depressants there too this morning.” 

Harry thanked her quietly before he quickly swallowed the handful of tablets. It seemed like he spent the majority of his life either chucking back medication, listen to people drone on and on about useless shit, and crying frustrated tears because he was sick of the darkness. Literally sick of it. 

Harry jumped up, blindly feeling his way to the bathroom in his new room (pun not intended), only just making it to the toilet before he brought everything back up. 

“Oh Harry.” The nurse sighed, holding his growing hair out of his face and trying to comfortingly rub his back. 

Harry was not only taking medication, but was on a strict therapy treatment which made him very very sick. It was to keep the cancer which could still be in his body from multiplying before they could cut him open and get it out. He could barley keep meals in his stomach. The boy had always been skinny, but now it was a new level of thin, luckily it wouldn’t be long before his last few operations were held. 

Harry threw up until all that was left was stomach acid, and even then he continued to wretch. The nurse stayed right behind him, rubbing circles on his back as he just sat on the floor, trying to catch his breath. Everything made the boy tired recently, even the smallest and most normal tasks knocked the life out of the boy. 

“I am going to get some more medication for you Harry darling, lets get you to bed first.” Harry let the nurse help him up, but once he had regained his balance on his feet he pushed her away. 

“I do not need any help.” 

“Harry, come on it’s okay. We will just get you to bed, and then ill be back soon and we can try it all again.” 

But Harry was having none of it, walking away from the nurse on his own, hands out in front of him so he doesn’t walk face first into a wall, and after a while he did manage to make it to the bed on his own, which made him pretty proud of himself. The boy just wanted independence, why couldn’t people accept that. The boy had the feeling that the nurse was hovering behind him the whole time he walked slowly to his bed, but his suspicions were conformed when he heart the soft thud of the door closing.

Harry released the breath he seemed to be holding, relaxing back onto the comforter, covering his face with his hands. He let out a frustrated groan, lashing out and punching the mattress suddenly. He felt utterly useless and so fed up with how his life seemed to be turning out. He was constantly sick, he couldn’t see a thing and the operations might not even solve the problem, there was a high chance of him waking up in the operation theatre still in darkness, or even not waking up at all. Is this all worth it?

Harry didn’t know how long the nurse had been gone, but when he heard the door opening again he knew it was too soon. 

“I got you some dinner as well for after the medication, its only something light, chicken soup.” He heard the tray being placed down with a slight tap on the wooden surface of his side table, and the strong smell of chicken filled the room. Once again Harry was handed his medication and he slowly swallowed them this time, not in the mood for a repeat of what had just happened. “Shall we wait a little before eating?” 

“I would prefer to be on my own actually. Thanks.” Harry was so tired he just wanted to be alone. No one understands him, so why was this woman still there. This was very out of Harry’s character, he used to be a very social person, before and even after he lost his sight the boy had always preferred the company of others than himself. When he was alone his mind would wander, but now he just simply didn’t have the energy to pretend he was all okay any more. 

“I understand. Maybe you would like to come to the games room later and meet some other people around your age?” She asked, but Harry shook his head. That sounded awful. A room of depressed kids, all sick as just waiting for a miracle to happen. Yeah, no thanks. “Well, I will come and check on you later okay?” 

“Can you shut the door like before please?” Harry asked as he heard her footsteps leave the room. 

The nurse made a confused sound from the back of her throat, looking at the boy with a puzzled expression. “You know we don’t shut the doors here in case of an emergency. Never.” Harry’s body deflated, he could have sworn he heard the door close before. “I am sorry Harry.” The nurse excited the room, and the deafening quiet surrounded the boy. 

Time seemed to tick by slowly, Harry just lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, but still the darkness was surrounding him. He wondered what colour the ceiling was. Probably white. Everything in a hospital was blindingly white, again no pun intended. He hated that. The fact that everything looked so clean and delicate, making you feel guilty for touching anything, in case your dirty hands messed up their interior design. That’s kind of how he feels like people treat him, like if they dare touch him or talk to him, they will ruin all his progress, or they will break him and he will never be able to return to normal. 

Sometimes he wishes he got cancer somewhere else, anywhere else but his eyes. His sight was so valuable, it was something he took for granted before, but now its gone… and he doesn’t even see a point in still sitting here breathing. He is living but he isn’t at the same time. No one is treating him normally, he should be at University, partying it up and making friends and getting laid, he is supposed to meet someone, get into a relationship and be happy. But instead he is sat in a hospital room, he cant see a fucking thing, he is alone and scared. His friends haven’t visited in weeks, he has never had a proper relationship and he just hates everything. 

But instead of crying, Harry reached out, searching for a while but finally placing his bony hands on the tray of food, sitting up he carefully placed the tray onto his lap, and prayed to anyone that he didn’t spill any of the soup in the process. He felt for the spoon, his other hand tentatively cupping the hot bowl of soup and he brought the spoon to his lips. 

“I find the soup is nicer without the added ingredient of tears.” Harry heard a slightly high pitched males voice soar through the room, causing the boy to jump once again. The soup which had been on the spoon went flying, landing on his jeans causing the boy to cry out in pain. “Oh shit are you okay?!” The voice asked, and Harry heard footsteps run across the room towards him, but he put his hand up to block the stranger from coming closer, as he moped up the mess on his lap. 

“What the fuck?” Harry grumbled, he was already feeling sorry for himself, didn’t need some random male nurse making him feel worse.

“I am so so sorry! Didn’t realise you couldn’t see.” The boy sounded sheepish, causing Harry to sigh. 

“I wasn’t crying either.” Harry snapped, finally processing what the other man had said. He heard a chuckle which caused him even more anger. 

“Not what I saw.”

“Well, I must not be the only one here who is fucking blind.” 

Once again he heard a chuckle. 

“Touché” 

There was an unsettling silence, Harry didn’t like that he didn’t know who this person was, and he didn’t know what they were doing. They could have left, they could be looking around his stuff, they could be robbing him or here to murder him. 

“I just wanted to give you some advice, ain’t seen you around here. The food is shit but trust me, tears wont help. Not that you were crying or anything.” The boy’s accent was northern, Yorkshire probably and he seemed to be pretty bubbly but not very adult like so he must be a patient too. “It gets lonely here, I just thought you might have wanted someone to talk to, but ill go..” 

Harry waited, the footsteps were slow to leave. 

“My names Harry, thanks for the advice...” 

“Louis. Louis Tomlinson. And you are very welcome cutie.” And Harry didn’t have to have sight to be able to tell that the boy was smiling from ear to ear.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finds out more about the hospital and Harry comes back to his room to find a nice surprise waiting for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE:
> 
> The games room description is from what I can remember it being like when I went to hospital irl which was a good few years ago now and so they will have probably changed by now. But yeah, you get the idea! x 
> 
> Also thanks to Anni for the idea of the last scene, thanks ily! x
> 
> ENJOY

Harry assumes that the strange boy who is named Louis, had excited the room as a silence settled. The boy didn’t want to call out for the other to confirm this fact because he didn’t want to feel like an idiot when there was no reply, and so he sat in anticipation for some sort of noise which indicated that he had not left.

But all Harry got was another damn knock on the door, with another damn nurse walking in to take his tray of food away. 

“It’s going to be lights out soon Harry.” The new nurse informed the boy. ‘Lights out’ is basically ‘bedtime’ but disguised to sound less controlling. Harry still felt like he had no control over his life however. He still felt like people were treating him like a child rather than the adult he legally was. It was infuriating to say the least. “Maybe tomorrow you will feel up to meeting some new people?” She asked.

Harry just shrugged as a reply, he was not feeling too happy about leaving his room, but he did want to talk to Louis Tomlinson again, and if that meant he had to go to the stupid games room, then he will do it. 

“Does Louis Tomlinson go in there?” He asked her, laying on his back as he heard her pull the curtains shut, not that the morning sunlight will disturb his slumber. 

“Louis? Is that a family member, because visiting hours don’t extend to games time unfortunately.” 

Harry frowned.

“No, Louis Tomlinson, he is a patient here.” 

“No one by that name is living here right now Harry.” The nurse replied, sounding clearly as confused as Harry. She must have just never met the boy before, maybe he was new here too and she hasn’t been assigned his room before, or maybe he was in a completely different ward or part of the hospital, if so then of course she wouldn’t have met him before. There must be hundreds of patients living here, she won’t know them all. 

He might be at the games room tomorrow though. The boy seemed to like talking to people, and if this games room was as social as everyone was making it out to be, Louis will defiantly be there. 

“I’ll go tomorrow.” 

“That’s great Harry! I’ll make sure to write it on your schedule right now!” her heels clicking on the floor as she exited. 

They even had a schedule of his day? Everything was planned in every one of his days from when he eats, takes his pills to when he leaves his room and goes to the games room. Harry was so frustrated, he wanted this nightmare to be over as quickly as possible. It wouldn’t be much better if he was at home though, his mother was obsessed with ensuring that the boy was always near her and was safe and all that. 

“Wait, is my mum coming tomorrow for visiting hours?” Harry asked, before he heard her walk down the long corridor. 

There was a pause, which basically answered the boy’s question. 

“Unfortunately, I do not think so Harry. But, I am sure she will be coming soon. I can check your schedule and tell you tomorrow when she is coming if you would like me to?” 

Harry shook his head. His mum won’t be coming to visit at all, she has an insane fear of hospitals which never gets better. She won’t ever set foot in this building, even though her only son is sat in darkness within it’s walls. His step dad will probably come, and maybe even his real dad and Gemma his sister too. But he had always been a mummy’s boy, and he is getting a little home sick…

“Thanks...” Harry whispered, turning on his side and closing his eyes. He didn’t even hear the nurse walk away before sleep over took him. 

* (The games room description is how I remember it being as a child so yeah, it might have changed irl since then but this is how I remember them to look in the UK hospitals!)

The games room was nothing how Harry thought it would be, the sound of children of all ages, springing around, crashing toys and playing on games consoles such as PlayStation and wii sports. The room was spacious, and so when he walked in, next to the nurse from the night before, he was very overwhelmed. 

“Most of the boys your age are playing on the games consoles, but all of the controllers look like they are taken. There is a boy sat reading on one of the beanbags in the corner of the room, he is lovely. Would you like to read with Liam?” 

Harry did not like the patronizing tone in this nurse’s voice, but he shrugged anyway. He didn’t really know why he was here, he couldn’t see Louis, and it wasn’t like he would notice the boy straight away. He was probably sat watching the other boys playing some game on the TV, maybe he was even playing the game and others were watching him. He seemed like the type of person who gets all the attention from others. 

Harry was pulled towards the corner of the room where the other boy sat on his own, and he was sat in a beanbag on the floor presumably next to the other boy. Harry stumbled a little as he sat down, even with the nurses guidance as the seat was very low, and he felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment. He didn’t even understand why he was embarrassed about the fact he was blind, but he was. He didn’t want people to pity him. 

“Liam, this is Harry. I will go and get you a book Harry darling.” 

Liam and Harry sat in silence for a little while whilst the nurse was away.

“So, you got one of the new nurses hovering over you?” 

“What do you mean?” Harry looked puzzled. 

“You got a nurse who has obviously just qualified. They always sort of latch onto certain patients in their first few months and look after them until they get into the swing of things I guess.” 

Harry hadn’t even thought about the nurse like that. He saw them as all the same, but when he thinks about it, he could obviously see she was new. The way she spoke and formulated her sentences was naive and she could be a little insensitive compared to other nurses.  
Harry laughed and nodded his head. 

“She is defiantly new!” 

The lady came back with a book for Harry, which had Braille instead of normal printed words on the pages. Liam raised his eyes. 

“So, you’re fully blind?” He asked when the nurse left.

Harry coughed, taken aback a little. 

“Yeah, are you meant to ask about people’s illness in here?”

Liam nodded, laughing at Harry’s expression. 

“I guess. I got kidney failure, my dad’s donating one of his for me but we don’t know if it will work.” Harry was surprised, but it was nice he had someone out there who was willing to help him with such a large cost. 

“I lost my sight 2 years ago when I got cancer in my eyes.” Harry mumbled, and silence once again settled upon them. 

“Well, don’t worry I can be your eyes right now. There is this girl sat near us and I am about 90% certain she has dyed her hair that blonde colour, but she is defiantly trying to pull it off as natural.” Harry laughed, once again. 

Wait, if Liam can be his eyes he can ask the boy if he can see Louis. 

“Would you mind actually being my eyes for a second? I met this boy yesterday, and I was wondering if he was here? But obviously I can’t see him so...” 

Liam agreed to be Harry’s eyes, kind of. He agreed to look around the room for the boy. 

“Well, if you don’t know what he look like, what’s his name, I know a lot of people here seeing as I have been going here since I was like seven.” Liam smiled, he really did like talking to Harry, he seemed very genuine. 

“He told me his name was Louis Tomlinson.” 

Liam hummed. The boy didn’t know how to break it to Harry that he did not know who Louis Tomlinson was. Especially seeing as Harry was so excited to see this boy, and so Liam being the too kind for his own good person, lied. 

“Oh yeah, I know him! Nah, he isn’t in the room right now. I’ll defiantly make sure I let you know if he does show though.” 

Harry took that as a good enough response, thanking the boy. But throughout the whole conversation he was on edge, just waiting for the northern boy to enter the room so he could finally properly talk to the boy. 

When the nurse came to take Harry back from the games room and to his bedroom, the boy told the lady, in the nicest way, that he was okay walking back on his own, he could remember the ways they had turned and so, although it took a little more time he did eventually make it to his room on his own, and the rookie nurse didn’t even follow him there.

“Look at Mr Independent over here, walking on his own.” The teasing northern voice once again startled Harry into jumping 50 feet. 

“Louis?” Harry gasped, he was so startled that he had lost his breath. 

“One and only, now come, let someone help you for once.” Louis laughed and Harry felt the boy’s small hand on his arm as he was guided to his bed, where he supposed Louis had been sat waiting for him. “Now, where have you been Dora, I have been waiting for you for ages!” 

Harry smiled at that, Louis had been waiting for him! 

He laughed. “I was waiting for you for hours in the games room, I thought you would be there.”

Louis made a disgruntled noise. 

“I don’t really like people or crowds. I prefer one on one interaction ya know?” 

Harry nodded. He totally got it! Sitting with someone, one on one was so much more personal and interesting than getting to know them in a room full of other people, people who could distract them or but into the conversation.

“So curly, you gunna tell me about yourself or what?” 

“Well, I lost my sight around 2 yea-”

Harry was interrupted by Louis, who shook his head at the boy.

“Not your illness story, your life. What are you interested in, likes, dislikes, favourite smell, colour, any pets?” 

Well this was new, everyone at the hospital had only talked to Harry about his illness so far, even Liam. But Louis wanted to actually get to know him. 

“I like indie bands and people who have become successful by hard work like Ed Sheeran, I also like fruit especially bananas, I dislike rude people, or people in general actually, I love the smell of cut grass even though I got really bad hay fever, the bets colour is by far purple and I have one cat. How about you?” 

Louis shot the boy a cheeky grin, this smile growing wider and wider as he listened on. 

“You like fruit?! You are one strange boy Harold.”

Harry laughed, and agreed. He is pretty weird. 

*

“Louis! Put that down!” Harry yelled, laughing so hard he thinks he had a stitch. In the last hour he had learnt that Louis had a large family, with 6 siblings, he’s a dog person, loved adidas and was going to buy the boy some clothing from there to make him look ‘less like my nan’s curtains!’

“How did you know I had the bed remote?” Louis asked, laughing too because, who didn’t laugh when Harry was happy?

“I might be blind but I am not deaf. And I could also hear your laughter."

But before he could scold the boy more into putting the bed remote down, he felt the bed jostle into life as it started moving higher, sitting the lying boy up more too. 

“LOUIS!”

“What, don’t tell me you’re scared of heights or something, you can’t even see, how would that work?” 

“PUT ME DOWN!”

Louis laughed

“What ever my prince wishes, he gets.”

And suddenly the bed jostled again, lowering back to the ground. Both boys were laughing when Harry came back to his original position, but it soon stopped when Louis grew quiet, placing the remote back down with a tap. 

“I have to go, but I’ll see you around curly. Don’t come looking for me in the games room.” 

“Please stop calling me curly, it is not fair when I can’t make a nickname based on what you look like. 

Louis shrugged. “I don’t make the rules.”

“Fine then, smol bean.” Harry smiled, remembering how small Louis’ hands felt on his arm earlier. 

“HEY!”

Before Harry could continue the banter however, Louis shot a quick bye and left the room, a nurse entering a few minutes later to give the boy his medication. He was going to ask this one about Louis, seeing as she may have met him before and may be able to give the boy information on why he is in the hospital, every time Harry had brought it up the boy had dodged the hinted question.  
But before he could she asked him;

“Harry, have you been messing with the bed positioning.” 

Harry laughed, shooting her a guilty smile as he thought back to that crazy boy who had been in his bed only moments before.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry have their first day together. 
> 
> Sorry for spelling and grammar and shit, I haven't edited this chapter yet loll 
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter Three

The next day started as normal, and it was pretty uneventful. Harry had cereal for breakfast, the nurse got him a bowl of shredded wheat instead of what he had asked for (which happened to be coco pops) and probably had hoped he wouldn’t notice. This annoyed Harry, he was blind yes, but his tongue worked fine. 

When the nurse had asked the boy what he wanted to do that day, Harry had informed them he wanted to stay in his room and mostly not be disturbed. If he wanted to see Louis again that day, his best bet was to stay in his room, as that seemed to be their normal meeting space. Luckily for Harry, the new nurse who had been in charge of his breakfast, didn’t think too hard about the fact that he wanted to be alone all day, and so she nodded and went to put on his schedule chart the new information, leaving the boy to get ready. 

Harry was already dressed, in a checked shirt and black skinny jeans. The boy slowly made his way to the bathroom, standing in front of the sink as he scrubbed at his teeth, and swirled a large gulp of mouthwash. Harry then stood there, staring but without seeing as he knew he was in front of a mirror. His hands reached out, touching the cold glass and running his fingers along the smooth surface. He wondered if his appearance had changed much in the last few years. His hair was defiantly longer, and from the feel of it, the curls were even more wild than before. His face could have changed though, the last time he had seen himself, his cheeks were round and red, his eyes were huge and he had the look of innocence which comes with many young teenagers. But, throughout everything that had happened, Harry was almost certain that innocence is long gone. 

Extending his arm out, Harry slowly ran his hand across the products on the side, skimming over bottles of hair spray and gel, skin care products and other random items, before finally landing on a little glass bottle that his mother had given him for Christmas last year. The boy sprayed the bottle of cologne three times, making him smell strongly of the scent, Louis will defiantly notice. 

“Is that cologne I can smell?” That voice which Harry had been waiting for asked, the footsteps entering the room further. Then, the sound of coughing. “Damn curly, you went a little over board I think.” 

Harry blushed, quickly dropping the bottle and turning around to face the boy. “Um… I’m not ready yet.” The boy whined, his hands still fiddling with the skin care products. He still wanted to wash his face before Louis showed up. 

Louis laughed, the sound echoing through the room as he walked further towards the boy. 

“Harry, you look absolutely gorgeous to me. And anyway, I brought games for us to play, so no one but me has to see you!” 

Harry smiled brightly, grabbing Louis’ hand which had bumped it’s way into his and they boy made their way to Harry’s main bedroom where Harry then heard Louis rummaging through a plastic bag he had brought. 

“How about a bit of Mario Kart to start the day off?” 

Harry was feeling a little nervous, he used to be very good at video games, spending most of the day on his Xbox at home when he wasn’t at school, much like any other teenage boy. But since he had lost his sight, the boy obviously had a large disadvantage. 

“I got the normal edition, instead of the one for blind people if that is okay?” Louis asked nervously, and Harry nodded as he grabbed two controllers, and sat waiting on the bed for Louis to set it up. Once the boy heard the music to the opening credits he smiled brightly, he hadn’t played this game in years! The last time was with his older sister Gemma when they were kids, both of them were obsessed with the game, but it was apparent after the boys played the game for a few rounds that Harry was not very good any more.

“Shall we try Moo Moo meadows, that track is a lot easier and you can’t really fall off the edge of anywhere.” Louis laughed as he watched Harry’s kart fall off the track for the hundredth time. 

 

“Fine, but just so you know, it is very hard to play this game without being able to see.” 

Harry felt Louis move on the bed next to him, and he disappeared for a second. The boy heard his wardrobe door open and Louis started to rummage through the hangers. 

“What the heck are you doing?”

“Making the game fair.” Louis laughed, soon coming back with a long silk scarf which had been hanging in Harry’s wardrobe. “If you can’t see then neither should I. Can you help me tie this around my head though?”

Harry reached his hands up, feeling Louis’ soft hair first, before his hands came into contact with the scarf. Neither boy even let out a breath as Harry tied the scarf into a loose knot which was tight enough to not let the scarf fall down his face halfway through the game. Harry’s fingers worker quickly and he could feel Louis’ body tense underneath him, his head close to the other boy’s so that his breath fanned Louis’ neck. 

“All done.” Harry whispered as he pulled back, hands nervously landing in his lap, fiddling with the controller. 

“Ready to be thrashed at Moo Moo Meadows Curly?” 

“Not going to happen smol bean.” 

*

When they had finished with the video games, Louis announced that he had also brought some more traditional board games, which Harry probably played as a kid because, who didn’t love to play board games when they were younger?

“Let’s hope this doesn’t end up with the huge board game argument like it used to every time we played at my house.” Harry joked, the sound of the pieces of snakes and ladders clatter onto the ground. 

“Well, I was going to bring monopoly but that always ends up in fights,” Harry nodded along in agreement. “And also, you can’t see the money so it would have been pretty hard.” Harry laughed at that, loud. 

“Very true.” 

Louis had apparently also brought food, and so both boys were laying on their stomachs, the board game in front of them, crumbs surrounded them of crisps, sandwiches, sausage rolls, sweets and chocolate. Every time Harry needed to go up or down a ladder, Louis’ hand covered Harry’s and he moved the boy’s piece wherever it needed to go, and if he moved it a little more forward than it needed to to ensure Harry won the game, well no one needed to know. 

There was suddenly a knock on the closed door, which was not meant to even be closed, and both boys looked up at the nurse whom had walked inside. 

“Lunch time Harry!” The nurse smiled, trying not to ask why the boy was laying on his stomach in the middle of the floor with a lopsided smile on his face. 

“I am just going to the bathroom Haz.” Louis stated, getting up, Harry heard the boy as he swiped the crumbs from his chest and trousers, before he left the room to the bathroom which was attached to the bedroom. 

“okay.” He smiled, and the nurse obviously thought the boy had been talking about him, as she smiled, reaching over to help the boy get up from the floor. This touch had startled the boy who had not been prepared for someone to try and haul him to his feet.

“Come on Harry, it’s a chicken wrap and salad today.” She smiled, practically dragging the startled boy across the room to his bed, where he usually eats his meals. But Harry was stuffed, well at least he thought he was. With all that food Louis had given him,

“I am not hungry actually thanks.” Harry declined, attempting to get up as he was pushed softly down. He was confused, could she not see that there were crumbs and food everywhere, he had obviously already eaten. “I already ate lunch earlier...” He stated slowly, like the woman was an idiot. He was not usually mean to people, he just hated when people were a little slow on the up take, and couldn’t help his reaction.

“Well…” The nurse was a little confused, and mentally debating whether or not to believe the boy. He had to keep his strength up before the operation. 

Eventually the nurse did leave the room, after she made the boy promise he would at least eat some of his lunch later as a snack. Louis walked out of the bathroom as the door closed, and he sank down next to Harry on the bed, laying his head on the boy’s stomach. 

“You were peeing for ages!”

“I had a lot of pee.” Louis laughed. “I am not small in all areas.” 

Harry blushed bright red at this, Louis was obviously talking about his bladder or whatever, but he couldn’t help but think of where else on the boy where he wasn’t small. 

“One day I am going to make you a real dinner.” Louis stated, staring at the remnants of their lunch. 

“I am a good cook, I can cook for you.” Harry smiled, he was excited. They were already talking about their future, when they get out of this hell, they will be together in this fucked up world. Harry finally found someone who gets him. 

“No. I want to cook for you. What is your favourite dish?” Louis asked, Harry could feel the boy’s head on his stomach, it was kind of heavy but he would never tell Louis to move. 

“Chicken stuffed with mozzarella, wrapped in parma ham and a side of home-made mash.” 

Louis laughed. 

“Sounds easy enough.” 

Harry rolled his eyes at the cocky boy that was laying on top of him. 

“I hate being blind.” Harry stated, rubbing his stupid eyes with his fists. He wanted to be able to see the boy, see his face, his eyes, the face behind the feminine voice. Does he look as feminine as he sounds? Is he as small as he seems? Does he have tattoos, if so what do they look like? How big are they? How many? Does he have any scars or burns or birth marks? Maybe he had a birth mark someone visible, or a spot on his forehead that day. 

“I hate being depressed.” Louis stated. 

The silence was deafening. 

“You are depressed?” harry choked. 

“Yeah, they managed to pump the drugs out of my system in time, and they also bandaged up my wrists and stitched them up because I did it the wrong way. I wanted to die but I didn’t because I am a fucking idiot. But for the first time in weeks, I am so fucking happy I am still alive.” 

Harry was shocked. Louis was depressed? But he sounded like the happiest person on the earth. 

“Why? What happened?” 

“Oh, the same old cliché story of how a privileged white boy got bullied about being too curvy, or fat as everyone used to say. And his step dad, yeah that asshole and his real dad, even worse. Just that same old shit.” 

Harry pulled Louis closer, resting his head on top of Louis’. 

“Life is fucked up.” He stated. The boy wanted to punch anyone who had told Louis he was anything but perfect. 

“But, if it wasn’t fucked up, it would be boring.” 

“I would prefer boring than sitting in darkness for the rest of my life.” Harry laughed cynically. 

They sat in silence for a while before Louis spoke up, 

“Can we wrap the chicken in bacon instead, I am not a big fan of ham.”


End file.
